A Voi / To You All

Questa è una lettera per tutti - per quelli che mi hanno conosciuta quest’anno, per quelli che mi conoscevano già e anche per quelli che non mi hanno mai conosciuta e forse non mi conosceranno mai. Questa è una lettera e la sto scrivendo perché non sono mai stata brava ad esprimermi ad alta voce, ma c’ho così tante cose da dire, le quali vogliono essere dette. In questi ultimi mesi, le ultime settimane e soprattutto oggi, mi sono resa conto che la maniera in cui mi comporto con gli altri non mi permette di andare avanti, non mi permette di avere dei veri rapporti con la mia famiglia, sia quella americana che quella italiana e con la gente che mi sta vicina. Per voi, può sembrare che io sia felice di tornare in America, che per me quest’anno - quest’esperienza - finiscerà l’otto luglio, quando prendo l’aereo per partire, ma non è vero. Mi dispiace assai lasciare l’Italia, lasciare Isernia e tutti voi. Vi voglio un mondo di bene e so che non sia ovvio, che non mostro tanto affetto o tante emozioni, ma ci tengo veramente alle amicizie e conoscenze che ho fatto in questi dieci mesi. Alla mia famiglia italiana - solo adesso sto riconoscendo quanti sacrifici avete fatto per potermi ospitare e che li avete fatti sempre con un sorriso e con le braccia aperte. Guardando in dietro, vedo adesso che potevo fare molto di più per mostrarvi tutti i sentimenti, tutto l’amore che provo per voi, ma spero che ora sia abbastanza chiara. Non avevo mai avuto una sorella e adesso ce ne ho due e anche se abbiamo litigato, Miryam, voglio dirti che ti voglio un sacco di bene e non posso dirti quanto mi hai aiutato a crescere, a farmi sentire a casa e quanto mi dispiace lasciarti. A mia madre italiana - Mamma, qualche volta devo fare un passo in dietro per poter vedere quanto lavori, quanto ti preoccupi di tutti noi prima di te stessa e come hai fatto tutto quello che era possibile (e anche di più) per farmi star bene, per essere una vera madre per me e mi mancherai tantissima, mi mancheranno i tuoi consigli e le tue risate. Sei stata un punto di riferimento per me durante tutti questi mesi. Ai miei amici - Non posso immaginare come sarebbe stato passare quest’anno senza di voi - in classe, le serate, tutti i compiti, amori, giorni e notti che abbiamo vissuti insieme. Vi voglio bene e dovete assolutamete trovare un modo per collegarvi su skype con me e Sabrina in classe l’anno prossimo XD Ero timidissima all’inizio dell’anno e tutto quello che avete fatto per aiutarmi, per conoscermi e crescere insieme a me è stato fantastico. Mi mancherete tantissimo, e spero che quest’esperienza sia stata bella non solo per me ma anche per voi. XOXO In fine, voglio ringraziare tutti professori, volontari, gli altri studenti di Intercultura e anche quelli che stanno in america, per avermi aiutato, più che pensavo fosse possibile, e anche se non riesco dire tutto ad alta voce, spero che questa lettera possa farvi capire quanto vi devo, quanto vi voglio bene, e quanto mi dispiace andare via. ---- This is a letter for everyone - for those who got to know me this year, for those who already knew me, and also for those who have never met me, and maybe never will. This is a letter and I’m writing it because I’ve never been good at expressing myself with spoken words, but I have so many things to say, things that want to be said. In these last months, these weeks, and above all today, I have realized that the way in which I behave with others doesn’t allow me to move on, doesn’t allow me to have truly open relationships with my family, both the italian and american ones, and with the people who are near to me. For you all, it may seem that I am happy to go back to the states, that for me this year and this experience will end the eighth of july when I board the plane to leave, but it’s not true. I am destroyed by the idea of leaving Italy, leaving Isernia, and all of you. I love all of you so much, and I know that it’s not obvious, that I don’t show a lot of affect or emotions, but I care deeply about the friendships and relationships that I have had in these ten months. To my italian family - only now am I starting to recognize how many sacrifices you make in order to host me, and that you made them with a smile on your face and your arms open. Looking back I see that I could have done much mroe to show you all of the feelings, all of the love that I feel for you all, but I hope that now it is more clear. I had never had a sister, and now I have two. Even if we fight sometimes, Miryam, I want to tell you that I love you, and I can’t tell you how much you have helped me to grow, to feel at home, and how sad I am to leave you. To my italian mother - mamma, sometimes I have to take a step back in order to see how much you work, how much you worry about all of us before yourself, and how you did everything possible and more in order to help me stay well, to be a real mom for me and I’m going to miss you so much, your advice and your laugh. You have been a reference point for me during all of these months. To my friends - I can’t imagine how it would have been to pass this year without all of you - in class, the evenings, all of the tests and loves and days and nights that we lived together. I love all of you and you definitely have to figure out how to skype with me and Sabrine next year in class XD I was so timid at the beginning of the year and everything that you all did in order to help me, to know me and to grow with me was fantastic. I’m going to miss all of you and I hope that this experience was great not just for me but for all of you as well. XOXO Finally, I want to thank all of the teachers, volunteers, the other AFSers, and all of my family and friends in America for having helped me more than I thought was possible, and even if I’m not able to say all of this out loud I hope that this letter can help you all understand how much I owe you, how much I care about you, and how sad I am to leave.

Red Clay Roots

This is where I apologize for the four months that have gone by since I last posted. A lot of things have happened in these four months.... mostly in the last month, but still. Four months of a ten month exchange is a huge chunk of time. With those four months winter came and went, school was cancelled for weeks, I got at least two haircuts, read a bunch of books, travelled to another country, took numerous tests at school, saw the very north and very south of Italy, and an infinite number of other things that changed my life in imperceptable ways. I haven't avoided writing on this blog just for a lack of time, or the hesitance to write in a language I would like to forget, but because of how difficult it is to put into words this experience, how strange it is to put a pretty little frame around this life that has become mine, that has become hard to see through the lense of a 10 month exchange. In 10 weeks I will leave this country to go back to my other home in the states, and I still can't tell you all what it will be like, what it will be like to leave this life and go back to my old one. It is a change that is surrounded by doubts and fears that regard not only relationships with groups of people on both sides of the Atlantic, but also school, languages, the future. In the past four weeks - the month of April - I had the opportunity to travel not only to England, but also to Turin, and Lecce. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and while I had seen this happen in relation to my family of origin in the states, I didn't know if it would hold true for my italian family. It breaks my heart to say that it's true - that I have become so close to these people, not only my host family, but also my friends here, that I really do *miss* them while I'm gone. In Lecce I also had the opportunity to stay with a host family for a week, and came away from the experience with even more close friends and host family members. Leaving will be the strangest mix of emotions possible, and I can already feel them creeping up on me, with various friends and family members leaving for the summer once the schools finish. And so I am fully commmited to making the most of these last 2 and a half months - whether it be AFS camps, hanging out with friends, dropping a history course that was only causing me pain, or just speaking italian and spending my days with my host family. I'll try and update a couple more times in the next few months, and below I'll attach the open links to all of the pictures I took during my time in England, Turin, and Lecce. Thanks for reading, until next time. - Helen England http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.302633216472815.68985.100001784182164&type=3&l=52a08e63ab http://www.facebook.com/media/set/set=a.302633216472815.68985.100001784182164&type=1&bef=302650696471067&aft=302668659802604&l=52a08e63ab Turin http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.310940315642105.73410.100001784182164&type=3&l=cae3cb15ba http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.310965715639565.73428.100001784182164&type=3&l=917a94b8f1 Lecce http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.318030121599791.74751.100001784182164&type=3&l=305cdb273e http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.318454168224053.74818.100001784182164&type=3&l=c2783c61fb

Echo Interview (in which i realize i can't spell or write grammatically correct sentences)

1. I had never really considered studying abroad in high school until I read a book called The New Global Student by Maya Frost. Actually, my mom brought home the book for Ben to read when he was having a really tough time during his... i can't remember if it was senior or junior year at East and they were thinking about alternatives to going to East everyday. Instead, I picked it up, and got hooked on the idea of studying abroad. The book's author talks mainly about Rotary, but also about AFS and YFU which are the biggest exchange organizations. Her daughters had been abroad more than once and she had some first hand experience with what it was like to have kids be on exchange, and how big of a chance it was for them, and how it really helped them decide what they wanted to do with their lives, and how it opened a lot of doors. 2. After that I played around with the idea for a while before talking to my parents. My dad was definitely a little hesitant at first, mostly because of the time and money involved, but I never had a real issue convincing my parents that it was something that I wanted to do, they were definitely quite supportive from the beginning. I looked into a lot of different programs, Rotary because it would have been much cheaper but it got ruled out pretty fast because of their very strict rules and very hands-off approach. Plus, the Rotary chapter in our area doesn't (or didn't) take part in the exchange program. That left YFU, AFS, and the scholarship programs like CBYX and YES. I ultimately decided on AFS because of all of the time they put into orientations, and preparing kids, and the volunteer system, and they definitely had the biggest range of programs, and a great reputation. AFS is the most expensive however - if you're interested in being an exchange student but don't know if you can afford it, I suggest looking into CBYS and YES, even if you think you might not be interested in going to Germany, or one of the muslim nations - they're great programs and I have friends who have been part of them. Once you decide where you want to go and what program you want to go with, it's a matter of finding out what the application process and deadlines are like. Deadlines for AFS year-long programs departing in the fall are around March, I think, and they start accepting applications around November. I was one of the first to turn in my application because I had been thinking about it for so long, but in reality it's a ton of work. Doctors appointments, medical forms, school forms, transcripts, letters of recommendation, letters to potential host families, in-person interviews, photos.... and that's not even including scholarship applications. A lot of people say that 90% of an exchange is waiting, and it's absolutely true. Waiting to turn in your application, waiting to be accepted by AFS-USA, waiting to be accepted by your host country, waiting to be placed with a host family, waiting to leave. I turned in my app in early november, got accepted by AFSUSA in february, got accepted by AFSItaly about a week later (this is extremely unusual, I was one of the very first people accepted by Italy) but didn't get my host family until the beginning of July. I left September 7th, got to my host family on September 11th. 3. I am forever asked by Intercultura (AFSItaly) volunteers what I expected before coming, but about four and a half months in, I can hardly remember. I guess I had that idea of Italy, of the rolling hills of Tuscany, of the canals of Venice, of big family dinners in the sun and teenagers in good clothes and sun glasses, famous works of art and streets paved with stones. Which sounds stupidly stereotypical but if you've never been to a place, just read about it in books and seen it in movies, what are you supposed to think? My life here is definitely very very different from what you see in movies. First of all, I live in the south of Italy, and therefore things are a lot more... simple than in the North. The stereotypes of the south being poorer, simpler, less reserved and less wordly than the north are definitely true. But these aren't bad things, just different from what I expected. With my first host family (I ended up switching at the end of my third month due to some un-resolvable problems) I lived in a small apartment in the old part of town. I think what shocked me the most was that the oven was broken. "What?!" I thought to myself, "I thought all Italian people loved to cook, and ate great food all the time!" But they were a young family with two working parents, and a large part of their meals came from the freezer-section of the grocery store. I also came to realize that even though Italy is, well, Italy, most of the people in our generation are perfectly used to being online and eating microwaved dinners and listening to crappy music. People are people, teenagers are teenagers, cultural standards change but people remain mostly the same. 4. Cultural differences - the umbrella under which all of my experiences can be shoved. I will make a list for sake of brevity and clarity and because I like making lists: - Yes, a lot more people smoke. - Yes, you can buy alcohol if you're over 16. - Yes, everyone drinks wine. But a lot of kids and teenagers have no interest in it. - We only go to school in the morning from 8 - 2 - Kids stay in the same class for the entire day, with the same kids every year. The teachers change rooms, and you have a different schedule every day. - Multiple choice tests do not exist. Kids are evaluated through interrogations, which are oral exams where you basically have to memorize huge chunks of the text book and lecture notes and recite them back to the teacher. As you can imagine, this is quite difficult when you don't speak the language. - Every week you have one hour of religion class, and there's a carved crucifix in every classroom. - Almost everyone is catholic, even if they don't practice. - Schools don't have sports teams or theaters or clubs. - We go to school on Saturday. - Kids go out every evening from around 6 to around 7 or 8 - Everyone goes out on Saturday night, just to walk around with friends and get something to eat, or to go clubbing or dancing There are definitely a lot more concerning politics, consumerism, family life, but these are some of the most obvious ones that involve high school students. I don't know if this has "influenced the opinion of my experience" since the fact that things are different is the major part of my experience. But yeah, things are different. 5. I really don't know what it will be like to come home. I think about it sometimes, and they say that a lot of the time it's harder to come home than it is to go away due to reverse-culture shock. I am definitely neater now, and a lot better at living with other people, since at home in Chapel Hill it has just been me and my parents for the last year, and I pretty much got left to my own devises, whereas here I'm constantly around the other people who live in my house and have to share a bathroom with three other girls... stuff like that. As for cultural differences I've definitely learned the value of slowing down - of just taking a step back and thinking about what you're doing, if you're getting worked up over something stupid, if you're rushing even though you have nowhere to be. Indepence is also another big thing. It's not that I have more independence here - at the beginning I definitely had less because of the language barrier and unfamiliar places and a different family dynamic. Now that I'm confident in the language and have an established routine and group of friends I do stuff on my own most of the time, but even now I have less independence than in chapel hill. But it's not that kind of independence that matters, it's knowing that after this you'll be able to do anything, it's about learning to just man-up and ask questions, even if you sound stupid, it's about being able to realize that you've made a mistake, to admit that you don't know the answer. And those are the things I'll keep with me when I come home. 6. The academic style here is completely different, and I have spent a huge amount of time thinking about it in the past four months. (I even wrote a four page paper on it in Italian. No big deal.) It goes beyond the fact that in italy we have a different schedule, or different classes, or specialized high schools. The expectations that the teachers have for the students are also different. The system is so much more hands off than the one we have at east. Kids are told they are going to have a test, that the teacher will be doing oral exams, that they're expected to know something - and that's it. The students study or they don't, it's their problem and if they totally bomb a test or an interrogation then it's over. There are no make up tests, no extra credit, no going to the teacher during lunch to get something explained or study halls to do research. You do it or you don't. There are no honors classes, no AP courses, just third year italian or fourth year history, so on and so forth. The obvious problem with this is that students sink or swim, and those who sink are left behind. The grading scale is also much different. Theoretically, everything ends up out of ten - but ten does not exist. The only way you could get a ten would be maybe on a math test if you did ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING RIGHT AND SHOWED ALL YOUR WORK but even then you'd probably get a nine. And so, a seven becomes a good grade. anything below a 5 is "insufficient" 5 is the lowest "sufficient" 6 is OK, 7 is pretty good, 8 is super good, 9 is super human, and 10 is godly. (I would like to point out that I have at least a 7 in all of my classes. Get at me.) Even though I won't be getting credit for the classes I'm taking here, and I'll have to take APES as a senior and possibly repeat a year of math, I find myself enjoying school and trying hard, just because when else are you going to get to read Dante's Inferno in italian or take 6 hours a week of french in italian and get so confused you have to take tests with two huge dictionaries on your desk? It's definitely made me realize how hard I can work at school, and how much help we have at East. 7. If you're interested in studying abroad - do it. If you want to do it in college, cool. if you want to do it in high school - make it happen. It's a ton of work even to get through the application process, but I promise it's worth it. Even when you're having the worst day ever, 6,000 miles away from your family and your friends, you're still in another country, having an entirely unique experience. don't worry about SATs or college applications or not graduating with a ton of APs - sure, I sacrificed my junior year credits to study abroad, but i'm still STUDYING ABROAD. the number of kids who study abroad compared to those who take the same ap classes and extra curriculars as everyone else is going to make you stand out, I promise. Also, the first time you honest to god can't remember how to say something in english is pretty awesome.